Make Up My Mind and Do It: We All Need Joy.

Hi, thanks for stopping by.

So remember how I mentioned in the beginning that I hadn't been diagnosed with severe depression, but I should be or something like that. And then last week I mentioned my depression had depleted my joy. Well this past week my depression got the best of me.

Wednesday morning I woke like any other morning, but I seemed more tired then usual, I was rushing to get to work and one of our cats did something and I got really angry with her and gave her a swat on her back side. Well, that is what started my down ward spiral.

If you watched the documentary that I mentioned in my post last week, you might remember that one thing they mention is that when you suffer from depression every thing gets polarized. And that was me.

I felt so guilty for being so harsh on my cat that it kept eating at me. Then at work we have been doing a weight lose challenge and I had to weigh in and even though I've been eating better and working out I gained 2lbs. Not a big deal, right.

Again polarized.

With the stress I was already under and these two incidents I couldn't concentrate, it felt like I couldn't breath. I wanted nothing more then to tell my boss I wasn't feeling good and go home, but I knew I had to stay. I emailed my sisters and asked if they wanted to have lunch with me. Which they did. And when I got back to work I finally could get through the rest of my day. I did though take the next two days off. I already was taking Friday off so I took Thursday off as well, so I could regroup and get my head on straight.

You're probably wondering, why are you telling us this, that's not that bad. Once again, polarized. To most people these are just little things and your right they are little, but to someone who is suffering from depressed these little things become big, huge things.

Let me give you a couple of examples. There was once a young beautiful girl who lived in a nice house, was popular in school and seemed to have everything going for her. One day she broke up with her boyfriend and everything seemed to be fine, but then after leaving a message for her ex-boyfriend she was found dead in her car her journal and a empty canister of helium next to her.

A young man living life wild and free supposedly enjoying life to the fullest. In a rock band, girls. One night partied to hard and the next morning found dead on the floor of his friends bathroom. I heard later that things weren't going so well for him after all. And he was "DOWN" about a lot of things. So I wonder sometimes, was it an accidental over dose or was it just an easy way out.

You see why Joy is so important to have in your life. I have struggled with thoughts of how I could leave this life. What would be the easiest and least painful (for me) to go. The feeling of how the world would probably be better without me or how nobody would even know I was gone. And the feeling of freedom from all the hurt, loneliness and stress.

I am so grateful that I have a family to rely on and my faith to fall back on and a few great friends who are there for me. Some people don't have any. Or feel like they don't have any. We have to search and find that joy deep inside, so we don't spiral down so low we find the wrong way to get out. If we can find our joy we can grasp a hold of even the smallest amount as we start spiraling down and use it to pull ourselves up and keep going.

I know this has been long, but this is so important. If you are someone just hanging on we or someone you know are there for you. Just reach out to them. If you know someone who seems to just be hanging on. Be there for them. Take them to lunch or just go see them and be a listening ear and be who and what they need to help them find their Joy.